This has been on my mind a lot since sometime last summer. Rye and Liza, on their blogs this week wrote about some of the timing challenges a male can face when trying reaching orgasm, so it’s gotten me thinking again. The reason I bring this up is not to dwell on it, but to put it out there that as a female we have this challenge as well and it's helpful to discuss it and try to discover what might be going on. As a woman with a history of a low sex drive the last thing I need is to lose interest because I feel like my parts aren't working for me!
Sometime shortly after (what I now call) my sexual awakening in Feb of 2012 I noticed it was becoming increasingly more difficult for me to reach orgasm. At first I didn’t notice because we were trying so many new things that I wasn’t really thinking about it. But, then a few times too many I was unable to cum at all and with that frustration I started to focus on it. I’d never had this problem before and even though the sex we were having was less frequent over the previous years, I've always had a fairly easy time reaching orgasm when I was ready to. Because of the frustrations, I tried to pin down what was happening with my body.
- · Could it be that I was having too much sex? After all, it was several times a day, on a daily basis for many many months! Sometimes, yes I could attribute it to my clit just being worn out (Thanks Hitachi!) But, other times I felt physically fine and couldn't explain it.
- · Was Neo doing this on purpose? I often wondered if Neo was so in tune with my body that he was edging me, either on purpose or not.
- · Was I doing it to myself? The foreplay was often for hours and felt so good that perhaps I couldn’t let it go. The orgasms I was having were much larger, full-bodied, and more intense than I’d ever had before, to a point where often I was afraid to let them go because they felt too powerful. That could lead to the chicken and egg question here…
- · Could it be that I was too focused on it happening to be able to let go? I didn’t understand that. Why after so many years of “knowing” myself did I suddenly feel like a fumbling fool just learning the ropes? To be fair I have to consider I was teaching my body to have internal/g-spot orgasms, not just cliteral, and also trying to learn to have multiples as well.
Liza and Rye both mentioned masturbation and this had changed for me, too. I no longer was able to enjoy masturbation. In an effort to relearn my body's signals, I tried masturbation and failed at it for the first time in my life. And even though in so many ways I felt sexually awakened and alive, I felt SEXY for the first time in my life, this did not translate into masturbation time.
The orgasm is just a small part of what sex is for me and being unable to achieve that delicious ending did not happen all the time, just enough for me to wonder what was going on. On the whole, as you may have read on this blog, I was having mind blowing sex on a regular basis. But these little bumps were another part of the changes in our sex life that needed to be discussed. Now that we have almost a year of these changes behind us Neo told me he has noticed a distinct pattern with my moods and ability to reach orgasm and I really hate to admit he's right when he says there is a monthly pattern. At first I dismissed him as I usually do all things “monthly cycle” related! Haha! But, now I have to admit, it is definitely a pattern and just knowing this makes me feel better about not orgasming when it happens.
I’m a science geek, so the hormones involved make sense to me and I can learn to live with that.
Interestingly enough we have also discovered this same pattern also relates to the intensity level of jealousy I feel on a monthly basis (which can go from zero to a hundred depending on the day). Another thing we are aware of and can be very helpful to know!
In case you’re wondering what that pattern is, here ya go:
2-3 days before and after my period – very horny and what we call the “lovey dovey"stage.
First 2 days during and at the end period – very difficult or unable to orgasm