Saturday, August 11, 2012

Let's talk!


Hi Kinks! I'm missing you.  Last week I was only moments away from opening my laptop and writing some sexy stuff when "BOOM!" ....Life dealt us a big fat kick in the teeth.  We WILL regroup and recover.

So, let's talk.  We joined a swinger site.  I'm not sure where we are going with this, but I want to (once again) dip my toes into something new.  It gives me butterflies of excitement and a flat out fear fills my gut.  But, I recognize it's not a fear I want to run from.  We filled out our little profile and have been tweaking it and browsing, seeing what's out there.  I dunno.  It's scary.  We have no idea what we are doing, what do we say?  It's scary putting yourself out there like that!  Fear of rejection comes up one minute then the next we are filled with a sexy gusto-- "Damn, I am hot."

I had the thought today that maybe some of you could help us out.  We need some tips and advice for newbies.  Let's start a dialogue.  I would LOVE to have a mentor or something!!!

I see a big issue for us as a couple is that we have been married 20+ years and this is really putting us in a dating scene again and that is SO foreign to us.

Questions that are coming up at the moment:

1. When going to a private swing party.  How are newbies usually treated?
2. Are we expected to participate on the first visit?
3. How do you politely say No to a couple (or single) who is interested in you but you are not back....but you would like to be friends?  (It feels so much like high school!)
4. How do you set your boundaries at a party or when you meet people?  Do they just come right out and say it?
5. I am worried about people touching me without permission.  Will that happen?
6. Is it acceptable to just watch and be watched?
7. Do all of these questions make me seem like I'm not into it?

If you want to write us privately and come along for this ride you can reach us at kinkynastassja at gmail dot com.

Or, just comment away right here!

By the way, do you guys think it's about time for another hot photo shoot?  I do ;)~



10 comments:

  1. There's a dude who has a blog that I follow who could probably answer a lot of these questions, he's a stand up guy.

    His blog is: http://whatsinaname305.blogspot.ca/

    I would try him on some of these questions.

    Another good one would be: http://hubmanshangout.com/

    Good luck, sounds exciting.

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    1. Thanks Ponyboy! Checking them out for sure :)

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  2. Hi Nastassja, I hope that you do regroup and recover. And yes, its time for a sexy photoshoot. You do owe us some pics. I can't remember what they were meant to be of lol.

    To answer your questions:

    1. When going to a private swing party. How are newbies usually treated? At a good swingers party, newbies are welcomed with open arms and treated just as the rest. Unfortunately at some parties, you will find the 'oldies' being a bit cliquish and sticking to themselves.

    2. Are we expected to participate on the first visit? Again, at a good swingers party, participation is never expected on the first or subsequent visits. Sure participation would be preferred but one is never expected to do something he/she isn't comfortable with and there is no pressure to participate.

    3. How do you politely say No to a couple (or single) who is interested in you but you are not back....but you would like to be friends? (It feels so much like high school!)At a good swingers party, one of the rules should be no means no and be polite in declining an invitation. So, simply and politely say no and ask whether they would like to be friends.

    4. How do you set your boundaries at a party or when you meet people? Do they just come right out and say it? Make sure you set your own boundaries before the party and at the actual party, don't be afraid to communicate them when approached. Others will also communicate their boundaries if they have any before getting down and dirty. You can also ask them if they don't mention any.

    5. I am worried about people touching me without permission. Will that happen? At a good swingers party, no, it shouldn't happen. The ladies normally set the rules and they are respected.

    6. Is it acceptable to just watch and be watched? There is nothing wrong with watching. However, some people do not like being watched so make sure that they are cool with it before perving over them and unknowingly making them uncomfortable lol.

    7. Do all of these questions make me seem like I'm not into it? On the contrary, they make you seem very into it. Its good to think things through, address certain concerns before swinging so that you are prepared for when it actually happens. just don't think too much into it lol.

    I mentioned a lot of 'at a good party'. Find the right party and it will be very easy getting a hang of things and 'assimilating'. At first it will be intimidating, even at the right/good party but with cordial, respectful and communicative swingers in attendance, the intimidation will slowly disappear.

    Can't wait to hear of your swinging adventures.

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    1. Thanks so much Dru for the awesome honest answers. Excellent point on the "watching" bit! Yikes! LOL

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  3. Dru nailed it, pun intended.

    As an addition, fellow Tampa bloggers and swingers Karen Blue (kissinbluekaren.com) and Rebecca Ammon (rebeccaammon.com) have an excellent saying they use when they don't want to play with a particular couple. They say "I'm sorry, but one of us isn't into one of you right now." It puts forth the message that now is a bad time but leaves the door open for additional dialogue if desired.

    I also second Ponyboy's suggestion for visiting Mr. No Name's blog. What's In A Name is in my list of daily Must Reads, and with good reason. The man is deeply embedded in the Miami swinger scene and covers every possible scenario over the course of his writings. He's also a sexy beast, and his wife is gorgeous, which makes for a nice bonus.

    ALSO... On your profile, be yourselves. Don't exaggerate. Don't downplay. You're both sexy, funny people who imbibe your writing with your personality. Let that shine.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

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    1. I've just been reading these blogs, thanks so much Mr. Abs... And thanks for the compliment...making me blush over here ;)

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  4. We definitely can't answer your questions as well as they've been answered already, being relative newbies ourselves. But we are certainly looking forward to reading about your experiences.

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  5. People are talking about me behind my back ;). At least it is good stuff.

    I hope you have the answers you are looking for, but if jot feel free to email me at whatsinaname305@gmail.com.

    I would actually recommend going to a swingers club vice party or date. It is much easier to .... Ummmmmmm ....ease into things. Just a thought.

    TTFN
    Mr. No Name

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    1. Thanks for the tip and the comment Mr. No Name! :)

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