Backpedaling

My idea of Sanctuary

Sometimes this happens; I go down the rabbit hole.  It’s dark and scary, but I know it well.  My love, he’s always there at the top pulling me up and out.  I try to figure it out; how did I get here?  Did I do something wrong?  Is it PMS?  If it hangs on, I say “Please let it be PMS,” because at least I know that will pass. 

So this happens; I go quiet.  I think being introspective helps me, but now maybe I think it just keeps me down there.  So, I'm trying to talk it out.  I seem to turn outside stress into a personal attack on myself and that’s never a good time.  Maybe that is my lesson this time.  I always get a lesson.  I want to let the past go forever.  I want to learn how.

Neo tells me I am fine, just coming down from a 9 month high.  He took me there, to new places and delights.  I loved every moment.  I didn’t want it to end, so I gorged myself on it…on him, knowing it eventually would end.  He says life is lived in waves and going that high means I had to come down some time…but that it also means I'll come back up :)

So dear readers, that is what’s happened here.  I’m overwhelmed and shut down for the time being.  I’m focusing my energies on my love and my family.  I’m feeling over-shared and needing a little space to regroup.  There have been a lot of changes around here and I just have to backpedal a little.

Normally, I don't want to write about something negative going on in my life, but I thought maybe I would share and let others out there know this happens to us all and it will pass.  

I'm also adding a new job to the ones I already have.  It's a good thing, a big foot in the door that I have been waiting for.  I think when I start there in the next days or week ahead I will be back to myself.