He's my everything. My light when I feel so heavy, but these days he's my absolute anchor.
It's been two years. There are a million words I could plow down about the time that's passed, but not one tells me where to begin. I don't know what I need to say. I'm not sure what I'll gain from the telling. Or if moving forward bit by bit and letting it go is best. It somehow doesn't seem fair to the experience to quickly summarize, but I also know that my writing skills could never do it justice no matter how many details I expose.
I have this "Soothing Waters" radio playing on Pandora. It's allowing me to begin this blog again. I've been having a little crisis of identity lately and often I think this "Nastassja" part of myself has gone. For the past 6 months I've been in a fragile enough state that I know I shouldn't make any rash decisions, so for now she's staying there sitting in the corner of my mind.
I haven't gone back to look at where I left off on this blog. I know I quit writing the moment I met him... But not because of him, there were other things I was dealing with at the time. I was let down by an allergic reaction to chemicals the week before I was supposed to start a specialized lab school/progam. I was devistated by that news and it wasn't the first time my body had betrayed me at the final step of a big "dream" I had worked hard for. For a moment in time, meeting him was just a distraction I needed. I didn't know... It happened so fast, mere days.
I didn't know it would change my life.
Right from the start, you were a thief you stole my heart.
And I, your willing victim. ~ Pink