Backpedaling

My idea of Sanctuary

Sometimes this happens; I go down the rabbit hole.  It’s dark and scary, but I know it well.  My love, he’s always there at the top pulling me up and out.  I try to figure it out; how did I get here?  Did I do something wrong?  Is it PMS?  If it hangs on, I say “Please let it be PMS,” because at least I know that will pass. 

So this happens; I go quiet.  I think being introspective helps me, but now maybe I think it just keeps me down there.  So, I'm trying to talk it out.  I seem to turn outside stress into a personal attack on myself and that’s never a good time.  Maybe that is my lesson this time.  I always get a lesson.  I want to let the past go forever.  I want to learn how.

Neo tells me I am fine, just coming down from a 9 month high.  He took me there, to new places and delights.  I loved every moment.  I didn’t want it to end, so I gorged myself on it…on him, knowing it eventually would end.  He says life is lived in waves and going that high means I had to come down some time…but that it also means I'll come back up :)

So dear readers, that is what’s happened here.  I’m overwhelmed and shut down for the time being.  I’m focusing my energies on my love and my family.  I’m feeling over-shared and needing a little space to regroup.  There have been a lot of changes around here and I just have to backpedal a little.

Normally, I don't want to write about something negative going on in my life, but I thought maybe I would share and let others out there know this happens to us all and it will pass.  

I'm also adding a new job to the ones I already have.  It's a good thing, a big foot in the door that I have been waiting for.  I think when I start there in the next days or week ahead I will be back to myself. 

TMI Tuesday: Daring

TMI Tuesday: Daring - What are your 50 shades?

1. I enjoy the idea that my partner wants to inflict pain on me that:
a. makes me curious
b. is titillating and sexually arousing
c. that leaves me screaming and/or crying because that’s the way I like it

A & B - I'm still exploring the idea of mixing a little pain with pleasure because I am curious.  Some amount of pain has been good so far, but only on certain erogenous parts of my body and only in limited amounts. And, lets not forget that it also needs to be intentional.  Unintentional pain ie: my hips hurt, he's pushing all of his weight on my arm too much without noticing...that sort of pain makes me cry wolf!

2. Do you like being forced to dress or act in a way that is humiliating? If yes, please describe. If no, why not?
I do not enjoy humiliation acts or dress, No.  
I do love being forced to dress sexy ;)  Neo loves to dress me up whether its for dinner or sex and that's become something I really enjoy now. I have some girlfriends that make fun that he "dresses" me, but he has better taste than me (sees me differently than I see myself) and I really think they are just jealous.  LMAO!

3. Do you like seeing bruises, scars, or marks that were caused during sex on either you or your partner? What kind of marks?

I don't enjoy pain that leaves marks.  The only thing I don't mind is a hickey that is well hidden, but even getting one of those has never been something I liked.  
Neo does like to be bitten, but I haven't figured out how to leave a good mark on him...yet!

4. Would you like to be forced to do sexual things that you don’t necessarily like to do? Yes or No.

You're going to make me admit something here aren't you....  Ok, yes.  I do and I have explored this a tiny bit lately. It is a bit of a mindfuck though...being forced when it is actually consensual.  Hmmm... the mind is strong. 

5. Do you want to be forced to watch your lover with someone else? Yes, No or It depends.


Oh hell no.  If he's with someone else it had better be because I am there and said Yes!  And I would not want him to be "forced" to watch me either. 

6. What dirty (sometimes inappropriate) things do you like to say to your sexual partner?
We role play that we are other people...sometimes that's hot. I ask him if he likes watching me with another man... 

Bonus: Finish this statement: I like being powerful in bed because __________ .
If I feel powerful it is because I have seen that look in his eyes that I put there. 

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

A surprise visit

The next day after this I couldn’t focus, so at lunchtime I took myself to (yet another) movie to see Rock of Ages.  I had such a great time by myself at the movie singing and dancing in my seat.  When I checked my phone at the end I saw a missed call from Neo.  I called him and he said K was at our house right now and could I get back over there to let him into our back fence…the dogs weren’t allowing him to enter.

On the drive home Neo talked me through how to behave once I got there and was excited with me.  He said I could flirt and hug, but no real playing without him.  Hell, I was nervous for even the hug without Neo being there!  We were both really surprised it was less than 12 hours for a response from him. 

It was pouring rain out on the way back to our house and a flash flooding monsoon once I got to our neighborhood.  His two workers were sitting under my covered overhang while K was riding around on his big lawn mower…wet…no shirt on…smiling at me…and looking sexy.  Oh me oh my!  The guys told me they were letting the boss get wet.  FINE by me gentlemen…fine by me.  I am positive K wanted me to come home and find him mowing my yard.  The rain was just a bonus.  This has to be one of the hottest scenarios to come my way in a long time.  I mean really?  Cute guy is mowing my yard with no shirt in the rain because I flirted with him the night before? 

But, it turned out once he packed up his equipment he didn’t come back up the long driveway to where I was waiting under that carport in the rain.  I was really bummed to hear the truck driving off…but I understood.   I have not seen him since.

After he left, Neo called him to thank him for mowing for us because our yard had gotten really bad off.  It came up in conversation to Neo that he and his wife had talked about us once they left our house the night before.  K asked Neo if we were asking them to swing!?  Neo said yes, but there’s no pressure from us either way we can still hang out and be friends.  K said he was down but his wife wasn’t so sure, but they missed us and really want to keep hanging out. A few days later, Neo sent K one photo of me with cleavage in "thanks" for the yard....K wanted to know how to get more of those ;) 

Then, we went on vacation… ...and then they had work… ...and now they have gone on their vacation…

...so time has been passing and I am simmering down. 

My handsome, oh so wonderful husband has been periodically keeping the fantasy alive for me. Out of the blue this evening he played an old voicemail from K as I was reading a super sexy blog story about a similar scenario; That got me going again!

For that story go on and check out our friend, JMaples' blog.  Tell him and his lovely wife, Nat sent you ;)

K comes by

After the night of the hottest sex I’ve ever experienced, Neo and I got into some serious discussions about making this a reality.  Our friend, K is a big jokester and flirts just like my husband.  He’s also tall, (huge turn-on for me) cute, and silly just like him.  They could be brothers, they have always said so.  I have not ever (consciously) flirted back with him.  I would joke around, sure…but as far as truly flirting and making a pass…I would never do that to my husband’s friends before.

So Neo called up K to reconnect.  Neo asked him to stop by and hang out and have some beer one night after work.  He also mentioned “Nat, really wants to see you…”  This could be taken any way because of their long time joking around relationship.  He agreed to come by and time passed SO slowly for me.  The Friday night he said he was possibly going to stop by was the girl’s movie night I had planned to go see Magic Mike.  I was caught in a dilemma for days over it.  Would he show up?  Would I miss him and go to the movie instead?  Would I flirt with him if I did see him? How would he take that?

Meanwhile, Neo and I kept having some really hot sex.  Every time I mentioned his name in bed Neo would get firmer and fuck me harder than before.  Every time he said “Do you want K to do this?...” I would go weak and get wetter.  This fantasy has us both on edge.  Neo came home from work one day on his lunch just so we could relieve each other of the constant torment. Each night we discussed him and how we could make this happen.  Just the possibility had me flying high.

On Magic Mike movie night I started getting ready two hours before I was supposed to meet the girls at the bar for our pre-movie-drinking.  It was just about the same time Neo was supposed to hear from K to confirm he was coming.  I got myself dressed sexy not knowing who I was dressing for.  I took my time doing my hair and my makeup.  I shaved in all the right places and put on all the nice lotions and potions.  I think doing all of this kept my mind busy enough to keep my cool.  Neo watched me getting ready and then called me gorgeous when I was done.  That was enough for me, to hear that from my adoring husband.  

At the expected time, I was ready and he hadn’t called.  I said, “Ok honey take me to the bar to my girls.”  I was slightly disappointed, but kept it to myself really well.  The girls and the drinking of strawberry margaritas definitely helped.  One drink into the night I got a text from Neo saying “He called and sounded disappointed you already left.  He got a bow tie and was going to dance for you.”  WHOA!  I was all at once confused and excited and really disappointed.  Meanwhile, the girls around me had no clue at what mischief I was up to.  I thought Neo was joking with me, but he promised me that it was true and K was going to surprise me with a dance because I had been willing to miss the movie to see him.  I didn’t know what to think about all of this, but it sure picked up my spirits.  In hindsight, Neo wished he had come back for me and got me to leave that bar.  But, I did really enjoy the movie with my girls and had a great time. 

K and his wife live in another town and we only see them maybe once a year. The very same weekend he worked Saturday and our schedules didn’t work for him to come over until Sunday with his wife.  I don’t know how to describe my feelings here.  I felt ashamed -I would have to face her with these fantasies in my head.  I felt scared- she would find me out and absolutely hate me and forbid us ever being friends again.  Seeing them I immediately hugged her and we had a nice conversation about mundane things.  Only a quick hug for him as I kept my focus on her.  I kept offering the guys beers as they had some alone time out on our porch.  I was worried and excited that Neo might just tell him what the deal was right away while they were alone.  That didn’t happen.  I got his wife to come join us on the porch and we continued to talk with the four of us.  I was giddy, I think, and looking like a nervous school girl, probably flashing my eyes and twirling my hair or some much too girly for me thing like that.  Neo got up from his seat right next to me and K got up right on que and took his spot and said something about wanting to sit by me.  Every time his beer was empty I got another one.  Neo laughed at me for this and kept calling me cute….I usually do not serve so well.  HEY! I was nervous!!!!  His wife sat on the other side of me and Neo was a little removed from our little seated triangle.  Very odd as I am used to 27 years of Neo as the very CENTER of attention and I now found myself firmly planted there!

Moments I remember from that night:

• K putting his cold hand on my knee and when going to remove it I say you can keep it there a while, I like it.
• K leaving the back door open to my bedroom in a daring invite asking me to come with him to get his beer. (Tempted, but I did not because Neo and I have an agreement to be together)
• K asking his wife to tell me about the time a few years ago she was going to let her friend give him a BJ, but he turned it down.
• Neo telling K that he has his “permission” with his wife.
• K asking his wife to tell me that he bought a bow tie for that night and she knew about it and wanted him to go to the car and get it for the two of us! (he refused, the chicken)
• Neo giving K his cell phone with a ton of our dirty pictures on it and K scrolling through them all quickly saying “wow, whoa, hello!” I told him we don’t let ANYONE see that phone and he should be privileged.
The thrill and embarrassment from him looking at all of those. My beat red face.
• K telling me that I have “really changed a lot”
• K telling his wife to go give Neo a back massage and to show him her talents. Which she did while he sat in a chair and begged for more. “With oil is better”, she said…
• K and his wife complimenting us on our very happy marriage after knowing us all these years.

Well, after this night I had very little doubt left that he was probably into this.  The wife is the one I am not sure about.  She is sweet, smart, and what I would call naturally submissive to him.  But, at this point the question hadn’t been put to them in plain words.---  Do you want to swing?  

And a new revelation...I am okay with his wife and Neo together.  It thrilled me to realize it.  Neo is still skeptical of it, but time has passed and it remains true.  With her, I am excited about it!  

to be continued...

TMI Tuesday - Blankety Blank

Complete the sentences by filling in the blanks.

1. I could spend all day on my boat, but couldn't stand five minutes listening to people complain about shit while on my boat!

2. I would love to have a robot in my house to wipe off the fucking counter tops because no one else ever does.

3. The older you get the less ability to give a fuck you get.

4. I want to cum multiple times when I have sex .

5. My appetite for fun and blowjobs can never be satisfied.

(You can always tell when I've had a recent day out on the water.  We went scalloping. Also, I am not as angry as I sound.  LOL!)

Bonus: If I were a hoarder, I would hoard boys with big cocks.who also happen to enjoy me and my boat.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Dirty Twitter Day (Part 3)

Ice Cream anyone?

Read part one and two first if you'd like ...  It’s late and I’ve been ridden hard, but I am still in a very playful mood. Neo is on Twitter chatting and I've got my vanilla ice cream, teasing his nipples with my cold spoon and a nice view. We both get on Twitter to play again.  I thank the gentlemen J, on twitter who helped get me into “trouble” earlier with Neo. I let him know I thoroughly enjoyed my torment.  He asked for a few pictures of the trouble we got into. Neo catches onto this conversation and thanks the guy for helping get his wife so hot.  As the flirting continues Neo suggests J send me a picture of his hard-on to imagine while I suck on him, as a little thank you.  In a photo I had seen earlier in the day J had his jeans unzipped presenting himself.  So, Neo gets into character and puts some jeans on for me.  I get rather excited watching him walk across the room naked and slip on those jeans knowing that they are coming unzipped immediately and that there will be another man there waiting for me. 

J sends me a photo of his hard dick and it springs to nearly life size on my kindle screen (I have a good imagination).  I take a few pictures with the photo including this one.

I am a little giddy, but Neo is all seriousness and tells me to go down on him “now.”  The tone in his voice makes me wet.  I crawl between his legs on the bed and pull him out of his jeans.  He’s already hard for me.  I have the photo of J’s dick propped up next to us on the bed.  I’m taking my man down and making him warm and wet and enjoying the familiar feel of him.  He’s taking pictures of me with his cell phone.  He tells me to look at the picture.  I’m nervous, but I do it as I’m stroking him up and down.  He asks me if I like sucking another man’s dick? I am caught offguard and I moan a yes onto him.  The picture is moved closer to me, only a few inches away, and I stare closely at the details of J’s gloriously hard cock.  The veins are pulsing and the head of him is red and swollen.  Suddenly, it is real and I am in the moment sucking down this other man as my husband watches.  I’m both excited and scared at the same time.  

There is a thrill going through me like a free fall on a roller coaster and I take a deep breath before daring to glace up into my husband’s eyes.  I’m not sure what I will see in him.  He rewards me with an approving nod of his head, ever so slightly, and a “yes, you’re a good girl” look in his heated eyes.  I’m relieved and excited again knowing that it’s ok.  I truly feel the difference in my mouth.  His dick is slightly fatter, shorter, straight up, and with a bulging hard head.  It turns me on so much that I feel my pussy lips parting and sliding against each other from the wetness dripping down to my thick thighs. 

Intensity builds as Neo talks dirty to me, reminding me he’s watching me suck another man and he likes it.  He asks how much I like it and tells me I’m a dirty girl.  I work his cock hard and fast with my hand and tell him I want his cum.  I see he has the phone pointed at me taking a video.  He’s watching me through the screen, envisioning the fantasy. I let my tongue drool down onto the tip of him as I keep stroking him, squeezing tight on the head with each thrust. He stiffens and his thighs tighten around me.  I don’t let up the pace.  I feel him stiffen fully that moment just before he releases his thighs and shoots his cum for me.  I swallow him and massage my hands over his pubic area, around to his hips, up to his chest, and back down around his sides to the middle of him.  I draw him fully into me this way.   

He lays there looking at me completely sated and in awe.  It felt real and it feels too right.  

As you may have come to expect from us, one thing has led to another and this fantasy has snowballed for us.  More on that later!

*J gave permission to use his photo and link to his Twitter account.  His account is unavailable at this time, but if he turns up I will certainly link to it for you all.*