Thursday, April 19, 2012

Chippendales: Her version

Neo wrote about his version of the night I went to see the Chippendale dancers.  You should readabout it here before you delve into my version. 
Reed of Reed and River asked me for my version, so here I go…(complete with cellphone pics we were not supposed to take!)

(By the way, if you’re not already reading their blog, get your ass over there after you finish yourself off here!  They are super sticky hot.)

A long time girlfriend of mine asked me if I wanted to go see the Chippendales in our town.  I was like, “Hell yeah!”  It was cheap to go, I’m guessing because they are counting on your drink bill to cover your ass.   I’ve recently got a new group of girlfriends I hang out with who are loads of fun and don't see Cindy much anymore for various reasons. Cindy is however one of my sex positive friends who worked in a sex shop and who once wore to my family thanksgiving a smiley face shirt that had a cat’s tail hanging out of its mouth and said, “I eat pussy.”   Explain that to grandma?  LMAO!  She’s a trip.  But, she’s quiet, not boisterous or loud.  I asked my best friend to come with me (the more the merrier) but she couldn’t and so I just went with this new group which included Cindy and 8 of her work friends I’d never met. 

For some reason I had had kind of a bad day and night from the evening prior (which hasn't happened in months)…but I was keeping to my promise to go and just praying some hot half naked guys would rev me up. I spent 2 hours getting dressed.  I’m normally a 20 minute girl, so you can see I was really making a special effort to both cheer myself up and look hot for my man.  I wanted him to see me leave the house with tits in the air ready for dollar bills stuffed into them.  He left to play golf, so I sent him a photo of me all dolled up in the bathroom mirror.  I do believe that was the moment the first golf ball went flying. 

When we got to the club we had VIP seats right up front with a nice big, round table in front of the stage.   One girl with us was celebrating a birthday, so she was immediately singled out and put into the show lineup along with 5 or 6 other ladies celebrating something.  The announcer was good.  He was the right mix of funny and raunchy.  He took good control of the show.  But, the show started over 2 hours late.  One hour late was ok, but pulling up on close to 2 ½ hours, it was getting to be a little ridiculous.  I refused to buy more than one drink thinking it was may be a scam going on.  Then, one of the dancers arrived late and they were ready to start.  They introduced the guys, five of them.  One young, baby faced 24 year old (the baby of the show who I was not attracted to, but Cindy definitely was) (*far left in pic), a Mr. Hot stuff (*front and center) who was voted #1 dancer in Romania or something…out of all of them he was the experienced one who had the moves….Then a Mr. Texas who was just a big dude….wide shoulders, body builder type…another guy who was built, but I don’t remember much…and then there was the tall, dark and handsome black guy who was going to law school…"THAT’s My guy" (far right in pic), I said to Cindy.  And I do come to my own defense here when I say that I chose him loooong before we saw his package

Hot cowboys
First song was “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy”…way too predictable, but we went with it.  They were all new except for Mr. Hot Stuff, so they didn't have the routines down completely.  You see I am too critical, I know! I know!  It went on like this all night.  Routines to cliche songs and then they would come out into the audience and grind on the women looking for money. 
Yes sir, take off those belts!
It was not the complete turn on I thought it would be and I was seriously missing my man.  I text him quite a few times telling him so.  He may have thought I was just trying to relieve his fears about what was going on there…but no, I really did want to come home to him mid-show!  Towards the end I still had my wad of dollars tucked into my cleavage.  The announcer said “ Ladies, it’s getting close to the end of our night.  It’s time to pick your favorite dancer”
Random audience member 

My tall guy was on corner of the stage closest to my table and every once in a while I would watch a drunk girl go up and throw a dollar at his feet.  I pulled up my courage and pushed through the group of chairs and girls and went over to him.
That's him far left...pic doesn't do him justice 

I had my dollars fanned out in my hand.  He took a few at a time and stuffed them first into my mouth, then all into my cleavage, leaving some in my hands.  I just stood there.  He was on his knees in front of me on the edge of the stage.  He grabbed my dollar filled hands, leaned way back with a (mock?) sexy look on his face, and pulled my hands down his chest roughly from top to bottom as he moved and writhed his now thonged package right into my belly area.  I just about died!

This is him down in the middle!

I wasn't expecting all of that contact for just a few dollars.  LOL!  Then he used his mouth to take the dollars from my own mouth and then from my breasts.  Then he pressed his forehead against mine and continued to dance.  At that point I actually apologized for my hands being solid ice cubes.  What a dork!!!  It was a complete "I carried a watermelon" experience.  Those of you who know this reference...I love you!

The final dance routine of the night was actually really hot.  They had a bucket of water and large yellow car washing sponges and used them to soak up water and drip it all down their bodies.  I was impressed. 
I wasn’t up for the $10 photo with them after the show, so I said a quick goodbye to Cindy and ran out of there and sped home to my man.

I think he was expecting me to come in panting and just rip his clothes off.  I’m sorry to say I didn’t do that.  The whole night had been a bit off and on, off and on…
But, we got into our hot tub and like he said it saved the day.  I forgot about those other dudes and let him know with my whole body and soul that HE is mine and that is that.

I realized later that I would have had a lot more fun with my wilder group of girlfriends because the group I was with literally just sat there quietly while the party was going on all around us.  I am not one to break out on my own, so instead of letting loose I ended up being critical of the "show."

Have you ever been to a good male review?


  1. Glad to hear you had a good time despite the fact that the group you were with was a bit more reserved. Getting your perspective after reading Neo's was really cool. Jill's never been to Chippendales, and generally doesn't like male strippers. She'll take female strippers any day, though. We're a pretty good match like that.

    Cindy sounds quite a bit like M, our former, and thusfar only, third. Gotta love the lack of a filter.

    We love the Dirty Dancing reference!

    1. Thanks! Dirty Dancing was our first movie date. We kissed the whole time and missed half the movie. But, since then I've seen it a million times.