I’ve never considered myself an addictive personality – not to cigarettes, drugs, alcohol or any of those sorts of vices. I never understood that deep need for something so badly you would go to great lengths to get it and feel tortured inside when you are denied it. I believed in addiction, certainly witnessed it in others, but I never envied it. You could even say I was proud of this.
On rare occasions in the past I have felt this intense need for Neo, a craving like no other. It would last a few days (most likely from a spike in my hormones). I would wake up with the desire and he would see it in me and match it. We would have the time of our lives, savor every moment of it, but it would pass with a certainty and a sad finality.
I am not talking about love here or the wonderful sex we enjoyed over the years, we have always been close. I’m talking about the deep seeded need to touch him, to feel his skin, to breathe him in deeply, to encompass him into me.
Things have changed for me.
There is an ache I have for him when he’s gone from my presence, for even a moment. I'm lost, can't breath, I crave him.
This is my addiction.
I’m just lucky it is a safe and loving one, because I am a slave to it. And I don’t want it to end.